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Like the guy in the first clip: Fap until it goes dark. Today's spread: a. Famous fucktwats trying to cope with lack of attention b.

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Getting a piece on the side is pretty straight-forward: Swipe right a few times on Tinder and let the self-loathing begin.

Unless you're a dumbass rookie that thinks the 25 upvotes on your Pornhub page are worth the label ultrous skankarous. When the most important part of your body is measured in the same metric as the motor of a dirt bike, you've already lost my erection.

Now pack a bag - we're going back to Venezuela and getting you about 4 refunds on those jaberwockies. Buy 2 copies to fully understand my genius.

Before today there were two things I was completely certain of. He proved me wrong once, but there will be no repeat my friend. I can understand the incestual story arch.

I'll look past the iPhone 3 camera quality. But the no-hesitation, double-dip taste-test of his own pearl jam at mark? Apparently the whole i seduced my sister's asshole while marathoning The Lion King Trilogy' thing got played out.

Now when porn wants to get the attention from the general public, they push envelopes far enough to scare even me. The year is This girl's back alley clambake video is running on every damn advertisement on every porn website in the fucking world.

Now, 13 years later you finally have 22 minutes worth of reason to cum on your Nickleback tour hoodie.

Want proof that that carrying debt around in your twenties is dangerous? Look no further my stimulus-packed friends.

Meet Natalie Brooks. A special kind of girl that clearly needs more than one demonstration to learn her fucking lesson. Apparently in between marathoning episodes of Metaloclypse, they participate in community services.

A Cardi B cocktail, Walmart toilet seats and discounted Rice-a-Roni at a swap meat: All things I'd commit to before slapping a ring on the talons of one of these harpies.

Japanese girl destroys physics and my expectations of all sub lb females at the same damn time. I officially want to be the first American to lend our "Home of the Brave" slogan out to Eastern Asia.

Azumi just earned her badge of courage. If not for this award-winning acting clinic, then for that special my mom taught me how to do this sexual prowess you just don't see anymore.

Sure - you could be some cookie cutter piss sickening wannabe and slingshot your muffin butter onto your girl's face. It's basically guaranteed Return on Erection and you'd be helping Efukt.

Homing in on the clip anniversary of offensive sexual acts among a global pandemic, and yet I remain hopeful.

I mean hopeful that people in quarantine will continue to produce more reprehensible content than a Harvey Weinstein video library, not the Covid stuff - we're fucked.

Like the guy in the first clip: Fap until it goes dark. Today's spread: a. Famous fucktwats trying to cope with lack of attention b.

Historical tone deaf unawareness c. Whatever final form Madonna has decided to mutate into. In other words - Three things to make your quarantine just a little bit worse.

This feat of pure sphincter talent took years of blood, sweat and tears all culminating to this moment. Captured on webcam and entered into the historical archives for your enjoyment.

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